He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
~Clarence Budington Kelland
And I still don’t know.
The right thing?
The smart thing?
I’m never really sure. All my adult life, I’ve waited for that day…that time…perhaps that era, when I would know, really know, that I was doing the right thing.
I think what I’m doing is the right decision. The money makes sense. The timing mostly makes sense. In an imperfect world I don’t expect a better opportunity to happen along…but when can I be sure?
Heh…I never have been. Those of you familiar with my other writings know that I live life confidently and with gusto…or at least I try to…so I should never have a problem being sure of my actions, right?
I’m not. When we bought our first house I was a wreck. Timing, money, situation…they all said it was right, but I never was sure. I plowed ahead like I was. It worked out. Countless situations in my life have been the same way. Not sure, but reasonably aware. Decide and fly! He who hesitates and all that.
But when could I be sure?
For my Dad it always seemed so easy. He knew what he wanted and how to go about it, and confidently moved forward with his life. Oh, it didn’t always go to plan…but he always had one and made the decisions necessary to carry it out. The son learns from the father…and so someday I really expected to KNOW that my decisions were the right ones. When could I plow ahead confidently with my life?
We’re closing on a house Monday. A big one. THE big one. A big step. A dream. But what if something happens? What if my job goes away? The economy is supposedly in a meltdown. What the hell am I doing? If it’s wrong, then when would it be right?
I’m still lucky enough to have my father in my life. We don’t see each other enough, and rarely get to talk alone…father to son…but occasionaly we do.
So I asked him…
“Do you ever really know?”
“That your decisions…the actions you are pondering…the plan…that it’s right?”
He just laughed…
“No. You just need to make the best decisions you can at the time and act on them like you know what you’re doing.”
Somehow this was a revalation to me. I should have guessed, but never did. Fathers are supreme in their son’s eyes.
“You never really know?”
“Not when you can do anything about it.”
And so another secret passes from the father to the son.
I’ll never really know…I can’t be sure…but that’s not so bad.
It’s worked out okay so far…